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Precious Gem

I saw someone today that I knew since childhood. We don’t talk and haven’t talked in many many years.

As I smiled at her and answered some of her questions, I felt two feelings in my heart.

  1. Feeling 1: OMG RUN! She’s going to judge you and your situation. Be embarrassed.
  2. Feeling 2: What is there to be embarrassed about? Life happens. I am a treasure. A precious flower and loved by God. My struggles are not to be ashamed of but to glorify God.

I decided to go with feeling two and in me rose a confidence and peace that I haven’t had in a long time. You know when you just get tired of feeling sorry for yourself. When you realize that nothing is wrong with you and that your pain and suffering is just part of the journey. While writing this, I have hope that my suffering is coming to an end. No, not my life, but this chapter of suffering and pain is coming to an end. I learned so many lessons along the way. I am not who I use to be, even when I thought I was perfect and amazing. I am finally human. A human with feelings and an ear to hear the Lord.

I can finally smile from my heart because I am no longer concerned about how I will get to the other side. I have my moments of sorrow and despair but I know I can never ever hit rock bottom again.

This time around, I am stronger and wiser. Just like Apostle Paul , I know what it’s like when things are going somewhat well and when times get rough. I know I will survive because of Christ and his Spirit that orders my steps.

That doesn’t mean I’m going volunteer information, just for the sake of blabbering my mouth (rolls eyes). What it does mean, is that at the end of the day my life is not defined by just the good or just the bad but is a collective narrative of MOI.

I am celebrating my life TODAY! I refuse to wait until things seem to be better. Life is a gift and my life is precious. You have to remember that even when things seem to be falling apart, destruction all around and disappointment wants to fill your heart with stone. It is not your burden to carry alone. Everyone has a story and you’d be surprised to hear what they have gone through as well.

YOU ARE A PRECIOUS TREASURE!

Don’t forget.20170405_151357

Don’t Give Up!

Last week, God sent his little hands and feet into my life to receive love. He opened my eyes to receive love without being needy for it and to appreciate without expectation.

These little hands and feet were sent by God at a specific and appointed time. I was so down in my spirit. It wasn’t depression but anger and frustration. I cried out to God, scanned His word but at the time, nothing was able to soothe my heart. God gave me instructions but at the time it made no sense. So, being the loving papa He is, He sent his little ministers to pour into my soul.

One was a smile that expressed genuine love! It touched my heart so deeply. Another was a kind word, the Lord using her as a mouth piece from heaven to encourage me to keep on going and to know that He sees me and hasn’t forgotten about me. Two times was I taken out for lunch, and spent time with people and shared laughs. It was medicine for my soul.

I thank God for each person He used. Most of all I thank Him because He is always speaking to me,  always comforting me and always guiding me. I must believe that I hear from Him, that He is a sovereign God ( A post about God’s sovereignty coming soon.) and that He truly loves me.

“Don’t give up” is what I’m hearing today. Don’t give up! Let everything go and let God establish me.

Don’t give up! Continue to seek Him, obey Him and Love Him.

The highlight of my week was when I curled up into a ball and just laid there and talked to God about everything! I got up close to my heavenly father and shared what was on my heart. I became an honest person. God sees everything so why hide it? So I told Him and He was faithful to comfort me and give me answers. His Word ( the Bible) is LIFE! He lead me to scriptures…even specific books and chapters ( I did not memorize them). So I know that He gives knowledge to those that seek Him.

Let me tell you. My journey with the Lord never leaves me bored. Tired, yes, but never bored. Laughs hysterically.

Smile.

Dear Brother…

I went to visit my younger brother who was diagnosed with autism since childhood. I tried to write a normal post but It just didn’t feel right…let’s see…

Dear Brother,

Your radiant smile is pure.

I can see and feel your love for me from your smile.

That defining moment, when I realized that everything in life is meaningless

if the people you care about and love aren’t smiling.

With joy I welcome you into my heart, you inspire me to become better, to love better and to serve better.

I am proud of you. Your accomplishments are nothing but grand. From the way you express yourself, to the quiet peace of your soul : you amaze me.

You simply be yourself, in a world that tries to conform and choke us.

I am proud of you dear brother, I’ve seen all you’ve gone through and now look at you! Marvelous creation of God! I believe in you and the future that is yours.

You touch everyone around you without even knowing. Everyone loves you.

Continue to fight baby bro, for your future. Continue to live and grow! We believe in you and we love you!

You changed me with your smile.

Love, Big Sister.

smilies-bank-sit-rest-160739mario-luigi-figures-funny-163157.jpegPicture source

Sibling Power! Hahaha! Unstoppable team!

Stand Still And Know That He Is God

I woke up this morning and looked up the word apathy. Apathy and depression get used interchangeably but they are not the same. You can feel apathetic and not be depressed. Disappointments and struggles in life can leave you feeling numb.

I have come to say that it is alright to have these feelings. I’ve come to tell you that it’s okay not to know what to do anymore or how to save yourself. As a human, we don’t know everything. We cannot do everything. When we push and push and press and press and try to do everything simply to keep up appearances, we are 1. being fake and simply trying to impress people around us, and 2. we are taking over God’s job.

I remember this song I use to sing when I was on my high school choir: ” Stand still and know that He is God.” Breaking it down it goes:

Stand still and know that he is God. /Know that He will never leave your side. /He’ll fight your battles IF YOU LET HIM, He’ll be your REFUGE, He’ll be your COMFORT./ So You should Let go, Let God Have His way.

I thought about Job, who fell on hard times, losing everything including his health and his children. Instead of him trying to figure things out and PUSH and impress his friends, he went to God. He went to God with his raw and honest feelings. He knew God was sovereign……this sovereignty of God that ….God is truly Mighty, a King, the creator and in control over everything.  He didn’t try to cure himself, find a new job, adopt more children, He simply went to the one who created everything.  He ran to God for an explanation, He didn’t try to coerce God with His prayers. He didn’t try to bribe God with his worship. He simply sought God with the very issue on his heart. He was real, He was open and He was humble.

It’s not your burden to carry! It’s not your battle to fight! Bad things happen in life, it’s not your fault! Let it go and let it be! Cry out to God and let Him hear the pain and concerns in your heart. Your friends and family may not understand what you’re going through and they might not even love you in the way that you need, but this is the defining moment. The time where you learn to go to God only. He might send His hands and feet along the way, but keep them in their rightful place: as His hands and feet.

God will never dismiss your feelings. God will never make it seem as if you have to work harder, push harder and bust your brains over an issue. He will never ask you to do more than you can handle. If He calls you to it, He will strengthen you.

In the end, Job was restored and it was better than how he started. But no where did it say that Job had to manufacture his blessings. God simply gave them to him in due season.

 

3/25/2017

Its time for a joy post! YAY!

  • This morning I had a delicious breakfast: my new found love – well done sunny side up eggs with basil, cheese and spinach. Gluten free garlic toast and some turkey bacon. I washed it all down with hot “tonic” water. Y’all might wonder why breakfast and food means so much to me. Well, when you have to fight yourself daily: fatigue and aches and pains, any amount of energy to make a healthy balanced breakfast is something to celebrate!
  • After a horrible and long couple of weeks, I finally resumed my routine! This has been a struggle for me for many years. You know how you beat yourself up for falling off the bandwagon. Not anymore! 😀 Slow and steady wins the race!
  • I got to see the sun rise!
  • I have made peace with my feelings. This doesn’t mean my problems go away, but I trust in a loving and powerful God that can do anything, including healing my pain and making me strong. I don’t have to bear unnecessary burdens alone, anymore.
  • I’m thankful for being alive today!

What are you guys thankful for? What brings you joy this morning?