Tag Archive | Christ

I AM Truly Happy!

The strangest thing has been happening to me within the last couple of days.

I’ve been feeling happy and joyful. Extremely happy and joyful! The happiest I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve honestly never been happy before. There were days I’ve felt really really low and my somewhat good days were when I felt numb. I was that girl that got her work done, laughed with friends but deep inside I was sad.

One day recently, I just stopped and noticed that I no longer felt sad, numb or worried. I enjoy living in the moment and any turbulence in my life is met with prayer. I think that was the turning point in my life, when I turned to God in prayer. I prayed for most of my life, but my prayer life has changed drastically when I realized these few things:

  1. God is sovereign: He is in complete control.
  2. God is loving and kind: seriously, He really loves us!
  3. I no longer had to hide away from Him in anyway: intimacy was something I always wanted but then I realized that true intimacy starts with God; baring my whole heart to Him without fear.
  4. I stopped subconsciously trusting people. I was always cynical by nature but even cynical people deep down are afraid of being hurt. While, I am wiser now and enforce proper boundaries with people, I hold everyone and everything loosely.
  5. I enjoy people for who they are, right now. Not who I want them to be or who I think they are and not fearing if they will hurt me in the future. Guess what, they will and might but I’ll be okay.
  6. Take everything to God in prayer: take ALL of your concerns to God. Every single one of them, including the small ones. I tell Him everything and I pray at all times.
  7. I forgive: this is a big one. People have forgiveness all wrong. They think forgiveness means hanging out with said offender. Uhm, no. Some people are just too toxic and dangerous for that. Forgiveness is something God strengths us to do. Just because it’s a command in the Bible, doesn’t mean it’s something we produce in our own strength. Remember, if we abide in Christ, who is the Vine, He will abide in us and we will produce good fruit. When I pray for my enemies, it opens my heart for the power of God to transform it. I have come to the place where I do not want anyone or anything to come between me and my God.
  8. There’s more but I cannot think of them at the moment. (HA HA)

I’ve been feeling so happy lately that it makes no sense. It leaves me feeling very uncomfortable at times. I’ve gotten so use to being sad that now when I’m happy, I have no idea how to behave.

However, I am excited about my future. I try not to look too far ahead but as I am enjoying my life, day to day, I have come to accept that everyday is a step towards a brighter future.

Depression is a real struggle. It’s a battle for your LIFE. Not just your mind or your emotions, not even your body, but your LIFE. Satan wants to snuff you out! It doesn’t matter if you are a Christian or not, Satan’s goal is to destroy as many people as He can before His time is up. Literally, the personification of “misery loves company.”

He will try to mess with your mind: there are many influences out there that are anti-God and anti-Christ that has even seeped into the Church. He will use your childhood experiences, your failures, hurts and pains to make you feel utterly hopeless.

The moment I decided that I hated Satan, God’s enemy, was the day my life changed. What does this mean you ask? Well, I began to see the commands of God differently. I see holiness as security and protection. I saw it as worship to God. I now see holiness as my weapon of mass destruction against Satan’s kingdom. I start seeing obedience as worship to a God that I love. When I focus on God, Satan cannot win. The righteousness of God transforms me and allows me to be an agent of peace wherever I go. Then the love of God will spread to everyone I meet. It will touch someone. I might not know I am touching someone’s life, but God knows.

You see, I am not an active witness and I don’t plan to be unless God says otherwise. And I’ve come to accept that it’s okay to be exactly who I am. I am my best being simply who I am.

I guess I’m done, have a great weekend! ♥

Freedom In Christ

Freedom is a mentality not a condition. How do I know this? Well, the Bible touches on many points about faith and belief in God. We are not putting our mental focus on ourselves, capabilities, or circumstances but we put our faith, hope and trust in Christ who saves us from sin and the sting of death. This brings healing and freedom that self-effort cannot.

It took me two years to become who I am today. We all know that I have been alive for a couple years now (Laugh ) but what I mean is, the transformed person I am today took two years. It was a grueling process of God exposing things in my heart and then making a decision to seek God for help. At first it was hard and confusing. It was unbearable and I found myself running away from God or hiding from Him. Other times I’d get angry, throw a tantrum and say I’m doing my own thing. Lately, I have seen a big change in my response to God. I don’t hide, I don’t run and I don’t throw tantrums. I have learned the seriousness of falling on my face and seeking the Lord for guidance and healing. My mind has changed. No longer do I see things how I use to. In the past, I would be anxious and flighty. Wanting everything to be perfect and instant. But today, I understand the importance of waiting on God and perseverance. Paul says we must run the good race and fight the good fight. David encourages the saints to wait PATIENTLY on God. I have learned that blessings aren’t necessarily material like people want to force feed us today. Blessings are wrapped up in the gift of a relationship with God through Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. Blessings are the fruit we produce as we stay connected to the vine (Christ). Blessings can be found in the little daily provisions and the little hands and feet God sends to minister to us. It’s not always about wealth, power and success. It is not about being the best or a know-it-all. It is about receiving God, walking with God and being transformed by God.

Freedom is not a condition. I’m quite sure the same people that made me feel bad for not attaining a certain status or place in life, would have the same thing to say now. Back then, I was very distraught over these things. I would try to work harder and better only to fall right back on my face. But the me now doesn’t care. Say what you want but I am where I need to be. I may not be rich, I may not have flashy things and I may not have much BUT I AM NOT THE SAME! I have changed! The Lord brought me out of my mental Egypt, took the shackles off my mind and melted the cold ice from around my heart. He dried up tears and touched my aching body. So it would be offensive and disrespectful to throw it all in God’s face because of things people say to me. It would be so offensive to throw it all in God’s face when in my mind and spirit I am at peace. I would not trade this for any amount of riches in this world. I have something…a treasure…that no one can take away! I am an asset not a liability.

I hope this encourages you, reader, to accept and have hope. If you are poor and struggling, sick and discouraged; if you feel hurt and betrayed etc. turn your focus on God. Tell Him all that bothers you. Throw your tantrums, cry, scream and yell but whatever you do, don’t turn away. God will meet you where you are and He will help you. That is a promise. Jesus said He is the bread of life and the living waters. He will quench and satisfy the longings of our soul. He will build you up and make you like a strong tree.

One day you will wake up and be at total peace. Nothing on the outside might have changed but YOU CHANGED. Don’t cling to God for material blessings. Christ is more than enough. You must be so in love with Christ that even the threat of death will not turn you away. You must be able to walk away from anything that will come between you and God. That is true freedom!

Who Shall You Serve? I Will Serve El Elyon- The Most High God- Sovereign Lord.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been contemplating on the sovereignty of God. A lot has happened to me within those couple of weeks that for some people would make them turn away from God and harbor bitterness in their hearts. But for me, that is not the case at all.

I was reading Daniel chapter 3 in my private bible study. It has always been one of my favorite bible stories, but this time, the story came to life in a new and refreshing way. Daniel’s friends Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were faced with dilemma: worship a false idol or be put to death. What amazed me was their response to the King when he inquired of them why they did not obey his decree. They said :

“King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” (Daniel 3: 16-18)

*SQUEALS* I’m sorry but every time I read this I get excited! Insert Laugh here.

But seriously, look at what they said! These three young men, in the face of death (in this day and age, we would say they were rebellious and defied authority) told the King that they made a choice. Their choice was to never bow down. First, they believed that God was more powerful than the King and could rescue them. But check this out. They knew God was not a genie to grant them their wishes. They truly believed He is a good God and could save them but they left their fate in the hands of God.

Ask yourself this question : What idols do I have in my life? Idols can come in the form of people, objects, goals/aspirations, our career and ideologies. As I was taking a good look at my environment, I realized that there were many people that were trying to take God’s place in my life. I also recognized that I was allowing it in some cases. Nothing can become an idol without our permission.

Like these men, I had to say from my heart that I will serve the Lord even if He never rescues me. I first had to believe He had the power to rescue me but even if he doesn’t, He is still my God and I will bow to no other. I made up my mind to work, live and serve as a child of God. When situations arise in my life, I had to always declare that I will serve no other gods. Persecution, lack of all kinds, hurt and pain, sickness and diseases will not turn me away from God.

In my recent pain, I had to “set my face like flint” and confess that I will never ever turn away from God. It doesn’t matter what happens, God must come first in my life.

It’s more than going to church on Sunday, looking modest in apparel. It’s even more than exchanging sweet words of encouragement to our brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s about looking at God as a loving and sovereign king. Who is bigger and badder than all. No demon, no human, and no angel can mess with my bad God. He is God all by himself and He chose to rescue me from myself. All the other things I mentioned are important but they flow from an intimate relationship with God. A relationship that transcends anything else.

When we believe that our good deeds, our church attendance, our modest apparel, and how often we read the bible determines our relationship with God, we run the risk of allowing these very things to become idols. These behaviors must flow out of our love for God and not be the means to reach a goal.

True love is not sentimental gush. It is not mushy romance or an idealistic view but the truth of the Word of God made manifest through Christ and through true intimacy with Him. It is not a merit badge, a flag to wave. It is not a fake handshake and a smile to keep up appearances in Church. It is not click groups, it is not title or position. It is not tallying up how many good deeds you did in a year. It is not how many tithes and offerings you give. It is not measured by who loves you or don’t. It is not measured by how beautiful or intelligent you are.

It is truly about intimacy: an openness to God. Being honest with Him. Going to Him first with everything. Being open to what He wants for you. It might look different from everyone else. Apostle Paul’s ministry was so different : He was a Jew preaching to the gentiles. No one might understand what God is doing in your life, but will you bow down to their idea of how your life should be or who God called you to be? When you read the Bible, do you read it to learn more about God and to draw closer to him, or use it as a self help-manual, treat it as a bullet on your to-do list or as a rod to whip people with?

Daniel’s friends were finally tossed into a very very hot furnace. It was so hot that it killed the King’s obedient guards. What happened next shook that King to the core! He looked down and saw that these three men were not only untied but unharmed and what looked like to be the “son of gods” was walking around with them!

Let me break this down for y’all! I’m weeping while writing this.

When you decide to obey God and not bow down to idols, this is what God does….whether or not you die in the furnace YOU WIN! When you face persecution from both the saved and the unsaved, the pharisees and the roman guards, God has a way of coming down….making himself available to you in the fire. He doesn’t just rescue you by removing you from the heat. He will untie the things that use to keep you bound. Untie the burdens that keeps you from walking around. Not only does He untie you but He dwells among you.  He places Himself in your situation. When people watch you walk around in the flames, they see you untouched and unharmed. And when you walk out, you will not smell like smoke. Nothing will harm you! While this is a physical representation, I see this as spiritual! You come out with your faith in God intact! They may even try to kill you and even if they succeed, they cannot take God away from you! God will give you strength and peace to go through it all. It isn’t about having a happy smiling face, it isn’t about never crying and pretending to be so brave and strong. It is whatever you choose to do: smile or cry, you say in your heart : I will not Bow!

The King, shocked and in awe declared this :

“Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”

“Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way.” (Daniel 3: 26; 28:29)

When God steps in because of your unwavering faith in Him, people will see and declare that God is the most high! They won’t be able to deny that God is the true and living God and all power belongs to Him.

El Elyon the most high God. What does this mean? It stood out to me.

“The name or title “Elyon” emphasizes God’s uniqueness and his supremacy above all others. It reminds us he is the Creator of heaven and earth and the Owner of all. He is not merely mighty, but Almighty. He is the Sovereign Possessor and Controller of all things. Elyon sovereignly delivers his children and sovereignly accomplishes his purpose even in their suffering, which itself is temporary and will be followed by the eternal refreshment he promises to bestow on them.” (Source)

  • I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me (Psalm 57:2).
  • If you make the Most High your dwelling, even the LORD, who is my refuge, then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone (Psalm 91:9-12).
  • “But the saints of the Most High will receive the kingdom and will possess it forever; yes, for ever and ever” (Daniel 7:18).

 

 

Precious Gem

I saw someone today that I knew since childhood. We don’t talk and haven’t talked in many many years.

As I smiled at her and answered some of her questions, I felt two feelings in my heart.

  1. Feeling 1: OMG RUN! She’s going to judge you and your situation. Be embarrassed.
  2. Feeling 2: What is there to be embarrassed about? Life happens. I am a treasure. A precious flower and loved by God. My struggles are not to be ashamed of but to glorify God.

I decided to go with feeling two and in me rose a confidence and peace that I haven’t had in a long time. You know when you just get tired of feeling sorry for yourself. When you realize that nothing is wrong with you and that your pain and suffering is just part of the journey. While writing this, I have hope that my suffering is coming to an end. No, not my life, but this chapter of suffering and pain is coming to an end. I learned so many lessons along the way. I am not who I use to be, even when I thought I was perfect and amazing. I am finally human. A human with feelings and an ear to hear the Lord.

I can finally smile from my heart because I am no longer concerned about how I will get to the other side. I have my moments of sorrow and despair but I know I can never ever hit rock bottom again.

This time around, I am stronger and wiser. Just like Apostle Paul , I know what it’s like when things are going somewhat well and when times get rough. I know I will survive because of Christ and his Spirit that orders my steps.

That doesn’t mean I’m going volunteer information, just for the sake of blabbering my mouth (rolls eyes). What it does mean, is that at the end of the day my life is not defined by just the good or just the bad but is a collective narrative of MOI.

I am celebrating my life TODAY! I refuse to wait until things seem to be better. Life is a gift and my life is precious. You have to remember that even when things seem to be falling apart, destruction all around and disappointment wants to fill your heart with stone. It is not your burden to carry alone. Everyone has a story and you’d be surprised to hear what they have gone through as well.

YOU ARE A PRECIOUS TREASURE!

Don’t forget.20170405_151357

Don’t Give Up!

Last week, God sent his little hands and feet into my life to receive love. He opened my eyes to receive love without being needy for it and to appreciate without expectation.

These little hands and feet were sent by God at a specific and appointed time. I was so down in my spirit. It wasn’t depression but anger and frustration. I cried out to God, scanned His word but at the time, nothing was able to soothe my heart. God gave me instructions but at the time it made no sense. So, being the loving papa He is, He sent his little ministers to pour into my soul.

One was a smile that expressed genuine love! It touched my heart so deeply. Another was a kind word, the Lord using her as a mouth piece from heaven to encourage me to keep on going and to know that He sees me and hasn’t forgotten about me. Two times was I taken out for lunch, and spent time with people and shared laughs. It was medicine for my soul.

I thank God for each person He used. Most of all I thank Him because He is always speaking to me,  always comforting me and always guiding me. I must believe that I hear from Him, that He is a sovereign God ( A post about God’s sovereignty coming soon.) and that He truly loves me.

“Don’t give up” is what I’m hearing today. Don’t give up! Let everything go and let God establish me.

Don’t give up! Continue to seek Him, obey Him and Love Him.

The highlight of my week was when I curled up into a ball and just laid there and talked to God about everything! I got up close to my heavenly father and shared what was on my heart. I became an honest person. God sees everything so why hide it? So I told Him and He was faithful to comfort me and give me answers. His Word ( the Bible) is LIFE! He lead me to scriptures…even specific books and chapters ( I did not memorize them). So I know that He gives knowledge to those that seek Him.

Let me tell you. My journey with the Lord never leaves me bored. Tired, yes, but never bored. Laughs hysterically.

Smile.