Tag Archive | Fear

You Are God’s Treasure

Love produces change. Cruelty to oneself just makes you feel guilty and icky. It is self-sabotage. When you love and embrace your worth, you are able to make better choices. Not out of obligation, guilt or fear but out of deep inner conviction. You stop settling and start wanting the best with humility. You will begin to nurture, love and encourage yourself like a treasured friend. You will enforce healthy boundaries and learn how to say no with strength and confidence.

If you are a temple where God dwells, we all know people take great care of sacred places and items. How much more are we to care for our whole selves: body, mind and spirit. Holiness transforms a person completely and holiness says: “I must not be defiled.” Cruelty will defile you, so love: truly truly love.


Happy Indepenence Day

Today was a pretty busy day for me. While most people were out celebrating Independence day, I went out to buy groceries. I spent a couple minutes writing out a list only to realize I had forgotten it once I was almost halfway there. I decided to whisper a prayer and hope my memory wouldn’t fail me. I had a $20 budget and needed the food to last me for atleast a few days.

I bought almost everything I needed but for the things I couldn’t get,  I had to come up with a few substitutions.

I wanted cabbage salad with dressing but couldn’t get the dressing so I opt to mixing the red cabbage into the rice.  I mixed brown rice with jasmine rice for extra nutrition and portioned it out for 4 servings. I spent time researching what a serving was for cooked and uncooked. I added tumeric for added nutrition and a bit of onion for flavor. I followed this pattern for the rest of my meals: tuna spread, baked lemon chicken, turkey patties, whole wheat and white pasta blend, and my new favorite: beet and squash pasta sauce. Because I’m back to working out regularly, I’m learning to enjoy protien from non meat sources like tuna, eggs and peanut butter.

When I eat protien, fiber and carbs with every meal it curbs my cravings. Low carb diets don’t work for me because I need the energy.  I’m learning to appreciate food and the wonderful variety available.  Food is not to be feared or hated. Food isn’t the reason we are overweight or underweight. Food won’t make us ugly or beautiful. Food won’t increase or decrease our self worth. We are in control over what goes into  our mouths. Food does not define who we are. Food is for energy. Food is medicine. Food is norishment. It is not a source of comfort and should not take God’s place. I decided to take control and do my research. Learn about nutrition and how food is used as energy so I can be and feel my best throughout the day. My life is not centered around fear. I don’t fear a low budget or if something will make me gain weight. A piece of bread will not make you gain weight! It took me this long to get it but I’m glad that God has opened my eyes to my poor relationship with food!

So this Independence Day I thank the LORD for the emancipation of my mind. I’m no longer a slave to lack or fear.

The Body Is The Temple Of The HOLY SPIRIT.

This will be the first out of two posts about my weight. The reason  I am limiting the amount of posts is because it can easily become a whining session full of bitterness, confusion and defeat. However, I just wanted to share something I’ve learned

It is common knowledge that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you believe in Jesus Christ you basically have God living inside of you. As a christian our walk with God is not just spiritual but physical and mental too. We need God to help change our attitudes. The way we see ourselves and others. The way we see him needs to change as well. There is always constant growth, or should be. A part of this process comes from throwing down idols. We throw down idols through confession. Specific confession followed by removing said idol. For example: food and body image or your past of being bullied because of your weight. I had a wake up call. God is showing me that I am sensitive in this area. I keep lying to myself thinking I’m strong and nothing affects me but it does. Words hurt. Being mistreated for wanting good things in your life is confusing. So in subconscious ways I sell myself short for comfort. I deep down don’t want to be hated. I don’t like the sly comments or the harsh words. But at the same time selling myself short is affecting my relationship with God. I  am not treating myself correctly. I am not allowing God to be honored by how I treat myself. We are all worthy of love. Not because of what we have done or have to contribute but because we all are created in the image of God. When we lose our identity we become ineffective. We cannot do the will of God because we won’t have the confidence to seek him for it. We also open ourselves up to sin because of a lack of self disciple and boundaries. Its a form of self hate. A reflection of how we see ourselves. And how can we truly love our neighbor if we don’t love ourselves. We must first seek God with all we are and patiently wait as he molds us and removes all the baggage.

This is my current place. And at this point in Time I’m feeling the need to introspect. Not with my own eyes but through God’s eyes. He knows where to look and how to perceive. He knows exactly how to fix and enhance. He knows how to eraticate and heal.

No more dishonoring and abusing this temple of the Holy Spirit.

One Day At a Time Little One

Mathew 7: 21-23
True Disciples
“Not everyone who calls out to me, ‘Lord! Lord!’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter. On judgment day many will say to me, ‘Lord! Lord! We prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God’s laws.’
I keep having reoccurring themed dreams about my university. I truly feel at this point in time, my heart is opening up to the idea of using the rest of my life, energy and talents for investing in the Kingdom of God.
However, there are many times where I feel confused about which talent I should invest in, which direction to go and how to even get started. There are days the confusion weighs heavy on my heart and there are days I feel I can’t do anything.
 I do know the urgency of walking in the will of God but I have no understanding of timing.
 What does this have to do with the scripture you ask? Well, I truly feel that doubt, fear and anxiety are not of God and reflects a lack of trust in him. I have to keep telling myself that he will show me everything at the right time, all I have to do is let him fix me, mold me and purge me into the woman I am to be.
 However, while investing too much into fixing the world and using my so called God given talents and gifts, I don’t ever want to lose my way. I don’t ever want to get so caught up that I forget to keep the law of God. I love the law of God. I love it because I know it’s for my benefit and those around me. I also know it brings joy to God because he is the pure essence of love and holiness. So, instead of focusing on something that is in many ways out of my control , at this time, I will use my energy to seek the face of God. Search for understanding: of him and my role in his master plan of salvation for the world. Because this is HIS SHOW, not mine. All I can do is walk with him in purity.
Mattthew 6:33-34
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
 Sources: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6%3A33&version=ESV


Trust Issues

I’ve read many articles, sites, self help, and  bible passages on trust. Out of the bunch I just listed the bible held the answer I was looking for.

This might come as a shock for many Christians but we are in control. We are not in control over all of our circumstances but we control how we respond to them. Christian sources make it seem as if God has control to the point where we can sit and wait and HOPE that something will change. Not a chance. We are called to be fearless- when we don’t trust we become cowardly.

We are not to trust in our circumstances, in our finances, our relationships, not even ourselves. We find trust in the knowledge of God, who he is and who he says we are. We are not victims, we have a voice. We have a mind. We have free will. No one can control us, no one can deeply wound us unless we give up all our rights as an autonomous human being. When we put people on a pedestal, when we seek their love and affection more than we seek God , when we don’t see the person for who they are we become insecure. We become needy and fearful, even paranoid, hoping that everything will go as we hope or fearing they will  hurt us.

We cannot control anyone. If a person is set to hurt you, they will no matter what you do. Just know that you should pay close attention and never be blind. The bible always tells us to guard our hearts, trust no man but God with all our heart and mind and to always be alert. We should never be asleep. Being in a state of fear is sinful. It opens the doors to all sorts of unhealthy habits and feelings. It allows us to embody fear itself and it will infect every area of our lives not just the root source.

Human beings are flawed. Humans are never to be trusted 100 percent. We should only trust God with our very heart. We are called to love. In fear there is no love. Without trust there is no love but trust not in their ability to serve but for you to serve them. Trust in God’s love pouring out from you, enabling you to overcome any obstacles this life will throw at you.



Micah 7:5-

Put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend; guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms;

Jeremiah 17:5 

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord

Psalm 118:8-9 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes.


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Finding Joy In His Love

God’s grace is a demonstration of his love.

John 3:16-18

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Sometimes, I have trouble accepting his love completely. I do not doubt that he loves me or the world but there are times when I cannot accept his love. I have been so conditioned  by life to expect that love comes with a price. This notion is something I struggle with constantly. I figure it might be something I struggle with for a while until I allow the walls I’ve put up over the years to crumble.

It is not I that should put walls around me but God. He should be my wall of protection. If I cannot reach a place where this is the case, I will never come to fully accept his love for me. This constant wanting to please in my own strength has set me up for many set backs in  my walk with Christ.

In my last post I questioned the true definition of surrender and repentance:

According to Webster surrender means :

  1. to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed
  2. to give the control or use of (something) to someone else
  3.  to allow something (such as a habit or desire) to influence or control you

With the first definition, If I keep hiding and fighting my way to my own idea of salvation without giving up and just accepting God’s love for me, I will be DOOMED to a life of hardships, pain and eventually spiritual death ( ruin).

Jonah was resistant from God’s order and fled from his duties. He was also hiding from what he was called to do. He had his own personal hang ups, he didn’t want God to forgive a nation because of his own personal grudge. However, God’s love and mercy extended even past Jonah. Sometimes our stubbornness can affect those around us, but that’s another story.

Like Jonah, I am hiding. You know, some people will say ” This person treats me so well and thus I don’t know what to do with myself. How should I respond? Feel?” Instead of just letting go and experiencing true freedom from Grace, I feel I must do everything in my power to keep it in my life.

The idea of something being free is incomprehensible. Is anything TRULY free in this life? But the more I hide or run away, the more I feel the burden of  separation and desperation. Desperate to find the love I’m hiding from.

We all have habits that we cling to. Deep rooted habits that we sometimes think are gone but when something happens we soon realize they never really left.

I warn everyone : Don’t ask God for anything you are not ready for. When I asked God to reveal every ounce of filth in my life, he readily did so. It was the scariest revelation in my life.

When you are so puffed up and not humble, you think you have all the answers and all the tools to serve God when in all honesty you don’t!

We don’t have anything that pleases God in us. We are dirty, filthy and fall short. We cannot do good. However, We can choose to surrender DAILY and accept God’s love.

The many characters in the bible all had something they struggle with and I admit that mine is accepting God’s love freely.

To enjoy the Joy of Grace we must let go and let God love us freely.

Luke 10:38-42

At the Home of Martha and Mary

 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.

She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,

but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

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Let’s Cling To Hope…

As I walk through my neighborhood, I couldn’t help but notice the mindset of the people here.

Most people have a sense of entitlement when they dealt with each other, but when it pertains to things like the quality of their food supply or the beauty of their street corners, they accept whatever they get.

Men and women that lack any sense of self respect. They live for each other: being wanted and needed but not necessarily the right way.

A “me, myself, and I” world but deep inside their actions are controlled by a need to be accepted.

They lash out with violence, sex, and all kinds of immorality. When I walk outside, I envision a spiritual war zone. Well, I could feel it. These last days, my emotional and spiritual senses have increased. Never pray for something you are not willing to endure.

As I began to see the world around me, my own nature started to take form. The way I react to certain situations and people.

Ignoring a situation won’t make it go away. Getting upset won’t change it either. Somethings with effort might never change, but then where does change start anyway?

The more I think about it, the more I realize that in many ways some of us are a pawn in a larger show.

Who are these pawns? The evil people. People who do not know God and forfeited their lives. They do not walk with God, therefore they do not have life. They walk around boastful, hateful, selfish. They believe that their actions are justified with no remorse. They hurt people and it fills their happy meter. Yes, there are people in this world that are evil. They do not have to kill a person physically to be evil. Anything outside of God is evil.

This is what I also noticed.

Evil people are pawns. Look at Satan, he’s a pawn. Every evil act these people do will build up the church. When Christians are persecuted, they cling and find hope in God. They no longer trust in their own feeble strength. If it wasn’t for my own personal persecution, I know exactly what kind of person I would be.

However, as evil as some people are, God still loves them. Hard to understand right? Well, here’s the thing: We were all once evil and every one of us still have a sinful nature.

God brought us out of the world of sin and into the world of grace. It is this grace that we can be made into the image of God: sanctified, holy, and full of grace.

The world is a dark and evil place. The evil comes from humans themselves. Humans are NOT good. We don’t just have goodness spilling out from us.

I remember fearing what people could do. I also remember when my trust in God’s power and protection was restored, fear left.

Humans live in fear. They fear loss, death, and separation. God said that he will never leave us. He said that he will supply all our needs and he said that Jesus has conquered death and we now have eternal life in him.

When I get too caught up in the pains of life, I forget who I’ve become. I forget who God says I am. We must not forget. We must not let darkness touch our soul again. We must chase after God with a desperation. This desperate need to be saved from our filthy desires. We cannot overcome our sin if we forget who God is.