Tag Archive | Peace

Precious Gem

I saw someone today that I knew since childhood. We don’t talk and haven’t talked in many many years.

As I smiled at her and answered some of her questions, I felt two feelings in my heart.

  1. Feeling 1: OMG RUN! She’s going to judge you and your situation. Be embarrassed.
  2. Feeling 2: What is there to be embarrassed about? Life happens. I am a treasure. A precious flower and loved by God. My struggles are not to be ashamed of but to glorify God.

I decided to go with feeling two and in me rose a confidence and peace that I haven’t had in a long time. You know when you just get tired of feeling sorry for yourself. When you realize that nothing is wrong with you and that your pain and suffering is just part of the journey. While writing this, I have hope that my suffering is coming to an end. No, not my life, but this chapter of suffering and pain is coming to an end. I learned so many lessons along the way. I am not who I use to be, even when I thought I was perfect and amazing. I am finally human. A human with feelings and an ear to hear the Lord.

I can finally smile from my heart because I am no longer concerned about how I will get to the other side. I have my moments of sorrow and despair but I know I can never ever hit rock bottom again.

This time around, I am stronger and wiser. Just like Apostle Paul , I know what it’s like when things are going somewhat well and when times get rough. I know I will survive because of Christ and his Spirit that orders my steps.

That doesn’t mean I’m going volunteer information, just for the sake of blabbering my mouth (rolls eyes). What it does mean, is that at the end of the day my life is not defined by just the good or just the bad but is a collective narrative of MOI.

I am celebrating my life TODAY! I refuse to wait until things seem to be better. Life is a gift and my life is precious. You have to remember that even when things seem to be falling apart, destruction all around and disappointment wants to fill your heart with stone. It is not your burden to carry alone. Everyone has a story and you’d be surprised to hear what they have gone through as well.

YOU ARE A PRECIOUS TREASURE!

Don’t forget.20170405_151357

I am Happy!

I woke up happy today.

Last night, I went to sleep while praying. It was comforting, ending the day in God’s presence. It was nothing fancy, just directing all my thoughts and emotions to Him, expressing everything I felt.

When I woke up, I felt a sense of joy and peace. The beauty of it all was that I allowed myself to be free. I will be honest, I had people telling me to keep quiet and not to feel a certain way, but I allowed myself to feel the worst of my feelings. I never expressed them but I felt them. I was also feeling really sick in my body and allowed myself to get full rest. I slept and ate whenever I wanted. This happened for a week. There were times I tried to talk myself out of it. There were times fear of not being strong enough or not getting things done crept into my mind. However, I silenced them really quickly and went back to resting my mind and body.

There is something so powerful about complete rest. When I felt the need to worry or be anxious about anything, I heard the loving voice of God saying that He is taking care of me. Someway and somehow, God will provide all that I need.

I keep thinking about God’s sovereignty. I had almost forgotten about it, being so focused on His loving friendship and parent-like care. But we must not forget that God is King and in complete control! He has an amazing way of putting the puzzle pieces of life together. He has a way of fixing our mess and creating a happy ending. He has a way of changing hearts. I needed to believe that my prayers were heard by a powerful and mighty God. I needed to believe that He is the one that changes hearts. Sometimes we believe that our will is higher than God’s, but if we read the Bible close enough, we see many times how His will and purpose prevails. He gives us chances to repent and turn back to Him, but none can contend with God. None can say they are their own god with their own power. When we believe that God is powerful and completely in charge, combined with love and care for us all, it allows us to completely trust in Him.

I woke up knowing that I am where I needed to be. I woke up knowing that if I wasn’t, He is faithful to correct me and set me on the right path. I woke up knowing that I am fine just the way I am. We get so caught up in being so strong that we forget that we don’t need to be. My strength comes from who God is! I can cry, scream, ask questions and share what is in my heart with a God that hears! I can fall apart and trust that He will mend me back together, as if I never was broken in the first place. He places a force field around my heart every time I give Him my pain!

When I am mistreated, I learned how to pray. Not just for my enemies but for myself. I learned that I have a God that will defend me. I use to cry that no one cared enough to ever stand up for me. I was the girl that stood up for everyone else, but was deserted when my time came. I find peace knowing that my God is fighting for me and I don’t have to anymore.

I find security knowing that I don’t really need anyone. Everything I need is in God. People are simply His hands and feet. We live in a needy world where people feel that they NEED people to survive. We must do whatever we can possible to keep all kinds of people around us to feel validated and secure. I know now that in my youth, that there was a wisdom in knowing that I did not need anyone. God has, in his wisdom, led people to me that have been a blessing to me. I cherish all those that obeyed God. This also released a burden from my heart. I don’t need to figure things out. I don’t need to have all the answers. PRAY! Point everyone to Jesus. If Jesus is the savior of our souls and the solution to all our troubles, then He is the one I should point to.

Jesus has fully consumed my life. Of course, there is so much to learn, but I am certain that He will never abandon me. I can finally rest and be free! No more chasing the wind…I find fulfillment in simply being God’s child and wherever He leads me, I will go.

 

Obey The Voice of The Lord

I’m not sure what to title this post. I’m not even sure this post will have a specific, main point but I have a few things I need to share for future reference.

  • Disobedience: It is costly. It can cost us our joy, peace, well-being, health, and life both spiritually and physically. It may seem trivial, the things God tells us to do, but He knows why we must do it.
  • Responsibility:  We are responsible for taking care of ourselves and making sure that our spirit and physical bodies are nourished. We are responsible for always being alert and on guard, knowing how to respond in all situations.

Don’t get caught up in petty foolishness. Some times we are tempted to let our guards down. But some conversations are costly. Some conversations can rob us of our peace. We must be picky and choosy about who we spend our time with, the shows we watch, where we go, etc. And if we steer off, run to Jesus and ask Him For forgiveness and help. Honestly, none of these things are possible without Christ. We cannot do anything right without Him. I no longer try to do good because I fail.

But lately my prayers have changed. I ask God to give me strength. I ask God for direction. I ask God for peace. I ask God what to do. I ask God to make me kind and loving. I ask God for all the promises in His word. And then in faith, going about my life…knowing He is faithful to do those things. Even as events are happening in my life, I am whispering a prayer.

When you are in constant prayer, you slow down and are mindful of your surroundings and your own internal feelings. You lift it all up to God and He tells you how to respond.

Disobedience is costly. I take full responsibility for how I am feeling right now. While I have so much to be thankful for, because of my disobedience, I am dealing with trivial feelings that could’ve been avoided. Instead of being thankful with all my heart, my mind is replaying what was meant as a distraction and of no significant purpose.

Guard your heart…..truly…guard it. Protect your heart and mind from everything and anything that will pull you away from the Joy of God.

It is MY responsibility to do so. I know in my heart that today is the LAST DAY that I am dealing with this issue. By faith I believe that God will give me the strength to walk away from pettiness and toxic conversations. It is not my duty to do anything but obey the voice of the LORD.

 

I guess I found a title after all…”Obey The voice of the Lord”.

A Gentle Reminder…

I want to take the time to address something I’ve been going through this week. My aim is to share my thoughts, feelings and the way I want to solve this issue.

I am naturally an ambition person. From since I was a child, I had goals, dreams ,  aspirations and set out to accomplish them all. Then life hit me. I was sick for a very long time.

I tried everything to get better from changing my diet to seeing different doctors but no one could help me. I was dismissed too. It was a very troubling time for me. My life came to a screeching halt.

This week I was feeling very anxious. I wanted things to change. I was restless again. Seeking any way I could change my reality. However, I had to pause. I had to take a deep breath and analyze my emotions. My feelings are so harsh. Why am I being so harsh on myself? I push myself daily to do things I couldn’t do a few years ago, even a few months ago. I made mistakes along the way but honestly, I should be celebrating the little accomplishments. But I couldn’t because I’m stuck in the future. I had to reel myself back into the present. I had to make up my mind to thank God for where I am today. I am a completely different person: new mindset, new outlook and doing a lot more than I’ve ever thought I could. Yes, it took years to get here, but so what! I should be thanking God for life! I should be thanking God that I can finally walk longer than a block without assistance. No longer throwing up my food. No longer feeling so tired I couldn’t get out of bed. Now, I can take very long walks. I can do light exercise! God revealed to me  the food that makes me sick (long but amazing testimony). My skin is glowing. I sleep like a normal person most of the time. Yes, I do have aches and pains…..BUT SO WHAT! When I get so caught up in the future, I must remind myself that slow and steady wins the race. One day I’ll look back at my youth and say…..she never gave up! She obeyed and trusted in God and look at what He’s done!

“Be kind to yourself”, I tell myself. “The whole world is harsh already. God loves you just the way you are. He knows your heart, He sees that you want to soar the clouds so badly, but learn to trust in Him for strength even in the ditch. A wise man said that you learn valuable lessons in the ditch. Lessons and skills that will help you once you reach the sky. Thank God, with a heart of gratitude for all your little accomplishments. You have nothing to prove to anyone but a testimony is being written as you live each day. Clothe yourself with joy and let the peace of God be your compass. The greatest accomplishment you can ever achieve in life is your God given calling and assignment. Everything else is to add a little flavor in between. Whatever God calls you to, He will get you to it. I owe Him my whole life.”

Much love to you all.

The Lady of Noble Character

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31: 30

Throughout history, since the beginning of time…women…women have always been on the quest for beauty.

This post will not be about beauty! We have tons of articles, personal accounts from women from various cultures and nations and just a plethora of stories about the standard of beauty. I am, however, talking about self-worth and the standard of character. It is not enough to be intelligent. No, it’s not. The modern woman wants to be successful in her career and her education. However, I am here to tell you that it’s meaningless (in King Solomon’s voice)! You see, that charm…that thing that makes us stand out…whether it be the way we carry ourselves, or the way we speak. Another word for charisma…well…that’s meaningless too. You might say, “has she gone mad?” Well here’s the thing. It’s God. Everything must point back to Jesus.

I realized that my beauty is fading. I’m simply getting older. I will wrinkle, I will sag and I will eventually have white hair. It’s a part of life none of us can escape. My charm, the IT factor. That thing that makes me stand out from the crowd, that too is deceptive. Why? Because it’s dependent on what others deem as charming. It’s dependent on other people! My relationship with God, however, will never fade way, nor is it dependent on external circumstances or people. Good character is hard to find. It is not just simply external morality, but an internal heart condition. It is a heart that is yielded to God and then in turn produces the FRUIT of THE SPIRIT. Without the evident Fruit….our lives are meaningless. Without fruit we are empty vessels that look pretty and sound pretty.

My worth, Your worth….our sense of well-being…everything, must come from God. We cannot blame society, men or the media for who we choose to be. We cannot blame our parents, our circumstances…we cannot blame Satan for anything we decide to do.

Everyday, I have to make a conscious decision that I will follow Jesus. Everyday I must lay down my life for His Will. Being a christian comes with a daily cost. People believe it’s about blessings…but truly, it is about struggle. It is about being emptied out so that God can pour into…it is becoming a new person…literally. It’s not just bad habits that are being changed but also your very personality!!!!!

SHOCKER! I know. I know. And, while it’s happening, it HURTS. You kick and scream and cry. You fight…you throw tantrums. You ask God “WHY ME”! But then, you think back on all that God has done for you…from the initial dying on the cross, paying the price for our sins and then the intimate dealings in our everyday lives. You realize you owe God everything. And then, you also understand that you are being reborn. It’s for your own good….it truly is for your own good. You are not just going to be beautiful on the outside but a beauty that shines in the likeness of your heavenly father.

You know how people set up trophies on their walls….well….I don’t have a trophy wall. But I have a mental wall of progress. You see, the me in the past would not be saying these things. I’d probably go off, doing my own thing, being mad at God and ignoring His voice. I would be living it up, saying “forget it”! But this new me that is emerging is saying….YOU KNOW WHAT LORD! I AM NOT HAPPY AND I AM UNCOMFORTABLE BUT HAVE YOUR WAY! But whatever you do, do not remove your Spirit from me.…(in King David’s voice).

Nothing is worth losing God for. NOTHING! Not a man, not a career or your education, not family, not your body , NOTHING! Everything you need is in Jesus Christ. If you need anything…”Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.” Philippians 4:6-7

The humble prayer of my heart is simply…LORD, help us to give our thoughts, concerns and our feelings to you. Help us to pray about everything and to keep on praying until we are met with the blessing of incomprehensible peace. Let us be Proverbs 31 Ladies that find our worth in YOU…and not in deceptive and fleeting things.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

The Journey to Love

These last few months, God has been taking me through a journey through love. He began to open my eyes to the people around me. He exposed things within myself and others. The information given was given with the purpose of healing.

I say this for a reason. Sometimes we think all information we receive is from God. The way I can tell if it is or isn’t, is how my heart responds to it. If the information was meant for me to hate someone or myself or is that information given for me to seek forgiveness or give it.

With all the information I’ve received, it felt like system overload. The journey is hard. It is emotional. It leaves you naked and exposed. It leaves you vulnerable, but in a good way. You see, I could be hiding in the shadows. However, true love doesn’t allow someone to hide away in shame. It allows the person to fall on their face and know for a fact that there is a loving God that will embrace them.

I say this all the time and mean it :true and pure love comes from God. I had gotten tired of hearing how loveless I was from the very people I had looked to for love. The very people who told me I wasn’t loving, failed to love me. So, how convincing are you if you do not even embody what you expect from me? Unlike some people that go searching for love, I accepted a life without it. I wasn’t looking for love nor did I care for it. I was content living my life and being successful. I worked hard at everything. I had dreams and goals and I was very happy with them. However, I had reached the end of myself and my goals and dreams could only get me so far. I do not say this with any anger or shame. I say this with joy. The very people that failed to love me, I now see them as incomplete. I cannot hate them. Why should I? They need to experience that same love of God like I did.

I am free. This word came with a price. I had to lose everything to gain my life! But I thank God for the process because I can truly say I know who God is. God is love. This is truth. This cannot be argued or changed. God is love. Pure and true love. No ones love can come close. We must always love people with the hope of pointing them to the ultimate love of God. Our love is never complete. It cannot compare. Our love cannot save. Our love cannot heal. Our love cannot change if it is not rooted in who Christ is. Everything must point back to him.

Thank you Lord for your love personified through Jesus Christ. Thank you for his life, his ministry and his example. May we always strive to be like Jesus in all we do by the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus name, Amen.

 

 

Contentment

I feel as if these last few days, especially today, that I’m on a purge. The last couple of weeks leading up to yesterday were hard internally.  I have finally allowed myself to listen to the still, small voice,( I had no choice lol) and one by one, the stressors in my life were dropping off like dead flies. All my pent up frustrations came out. They still bombard my mind here and there, but now I see it as a purge. My mind is processing everything and bring it to the  surface.   However, it  is my duty to face them, not ignore them. When I get these memories, I process them and sort them out. I slap the word of God on them too, when necessary. I’m basically talking some sense into me.

It’s so strange that as I am writing this, I feel emotional. ( No, I’m not crying, I promise.) I just feel this burst of joy for the first time ever. True Joy. Like everything will be Okay because God says so. I feel like I’m in surgery and God is my doctor. He’s doing some intense surgery.

I woke up today and saw my true beauty for the first time. Physical and everything else. Not from a place of retaliation or that fake it till you make it phase, but truly accepting and embracing who I am today. I don’t feel that rush I usually feel. But I know that if I ever feel like rushing, God always puts something in my way to slow me down. So there is no point. The slowing down process is painful! Lol

I believe that the more I learn about Christ, the more I learn about myself.

 

It’s an amazing feeling. I guess I can call it contentment. Yes… That’s what I’ll call it…