Tag Archive | Self Worth

Precious Gem

I saw someone today that I knew since childhood. We don’t talk and haven’t talked in many many years.

As I smiled at her and answered some of her questions, I felt two feelings in my heart.

  1. Feeling 1: OMG RUN! She’s going to judge you and your situation. Be embarrassed.
  2. Feeling 2: What is there to be embarrassed about? Life happens. I am a treasure. A precious flower and loved by God. My struggles are not to be ashamed of but to glorify God.

I decided to go with feeling two and in me rose a confidence and peace that I haven’t had in a long time. You know when you just get tired of feeling sorry for yourself. When you realize that nothing is wrong with you and that your pain and suffering is just part of the journey. While writing this, I have hope that my suffering is coming to an end. No, not my life, but this chapter of suffering and pain is coming to an end. I learned so many lessons along the way. I am not who I use to be, even when I thought I was perfect and amazing. I am finally human. A human with feelings and an ear to hear the Lord.

I can finally smile from my heart because I am no longer concerned about how I will get to the other side. I have my moments of sorrow and despair but I know I can never ever hit rock bottom again.

This time around, I am stronger and wiser. Just like Apostle Paul , I know what it’s like when things are going somewhat well and when times get rough. I know I will survive because of Christ and his Spirit that orders my steps.

That doesn’t mean I’m going volunteer information, just for the sake of blabbering my mouth (rolls eyes). What it does mean, is that at the end of the day my life is not defined by just the good or just the bad but is a collective narrative of MOI.

I am celebrating my life TODAY! I refuse to wait until things seem to be better. Life is a gift and my life is precious. You have to remember that even when things seem to be falling apart, destruction all around and disappointment wants to fill your heart with stone. It is not your burden to carry alone. Everyone has a story and you’d be surprised to hear what they have gone through as well.

YOU ARE A PRECIOUS TREASURE!

Don’t forget.20170405_151357

Jealousy: That Toxic Infection of The Heart.

Jealousy is a sneaky but dangerous infection of the heart. It is rooted in insecurity. I was going to write about people who struggle with jealousy and insecurity but I want to focus on those that are on the receiving end.

Being the recipient of jealous actions is toxic and slowly, but surely, it has the power to destroy you. It has the power to make you feel small, to doubt yourself. It backs you up in a corner. It makes you question yourself on many occasions, wondering if something is wrong with you.

I want to tell you a secret. Well, it’s not really a secret but let me remind you that who you are is not defined by anyone else. Continue to shine, live, laugh and have fun! Continue to strive and grow and chase after everything you wanted in life.

Some of these jealous people will smile in your face, give you gifts and even pretend they are kind. But you can tell, deep down, that something isn’t right. PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Do not allow anyone to reduce you or bully you into submission. Stand your ground and say enough is enough. You don’t have to be rude about it but speak your truth!

People will try to dismiss you. They will say, “she doesn’t know what she’s talking about” or,” She’s sensitive”, or ” who cares and ignore it”. And while I do believe that ignoring petty foolishness is the key to success and happiness in life, there are some things that will require you to address it in a mature way. When people know the lines and boundaries they cannot cross, it let’s them know that their jealous tendencies cannot infect you. Your boundaries are like immunity. It is a wall of protection from behaviors and comments that are meant to keep you in a position that will feed their infection.

They will hate you, talk bad about you ( I always say if its not to my face then it’s none of my business) and show disdain at your success and accomplishments but leave them in God’s hands.

God said vengeance is His job. God doesn’t like jealousy, pride and bullying (oppression) and God has a way of either convicting someone’s heart or silencing them all together.

 

 

 

The Lady of Noble Character

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31: 30

Throughout history, since the beginning of time…women…women have always been on the quest for beauty.

This post will not be about beauty! We have tons of articles, personal accounts from women from various cultures and nations and just a plethora of stories about the standard of beauty. I am, however, talking about self-worth and the standard of character. It is not enough to be intelligent. No, it’s not. The modern woman wants to be successful in her career and her education. However, I am here to tell you that it’s meaningless (in King Solomon’s voice)! You see, that charm…that thing that makes us stand out…whether it be the way we carry ourselves, or the way we speak. Another word for charisma…well…that’s meaningless too. You might say, “has she gone mad?” Well here’s the thing. It’s God. Everything must point back to Jesus.

I realized that my beauty is fading. I’m simply getting older. I will wrinkle, I will sag and I will eventually have white hair. It’s a part of life none of us can escape. My charm, the IT factor. That thing that makes me stand out from the crowd, that too is deceptive. Why? Because it’s dependent on what others deem as charming. It’s dependent on other people! My relationship with God, however, will never fade way, nor is it dependent on external circumstances or people. Good character is hard to find. It is not just simply external morality, but an internal heart condition. It is a heart that is yielded to God and then in turn produces the FRUIT of THE SPIRIT. Without the evident Fruit….our lives are meaningless. Without fruit we are empty vessels that look pretty and sound pretty.

My worth, Your worth….our sense of well-being…everything, must come from God. We cannot blame society, men or the media for who we choose to be. We cannot blame our parents, our circumstances…we cannot blame Satan for anything we decide to do.

Everyday, I have to make a conscious decision that I will follow Jesus. Everyday I must lay down my life for His Will. Being a christian comes with a daily cost. People believe it’s about blessings…but truly, it is about struggle. It is about being emptied out so that God can pour into…it is becoming a new person…literally. It’s not just bad habits that are being changed but also your very personality!!!!!

SHOCKER! I know. I know. And, while it’s happening, it HURTS. You kick and scream and cry. You fight…you throw tantrums. You ask God “WHY ME”! But then, you think back on all that God has done for you…from the initial dying on the cross, paying the price for our sins and then the intimate dealings in our everyday lives. You realize you owe God everything. And then, you also understand that you are being reborn. It’s for your own good….it truly is for your own good. You are not just going to be beautiful on the outside but a beauty that shines in the likeness of your heavenly father.

You know how people set up trophies on their walls….well….I don’t have a trophy wall. But I have a mental wall of progress. You see, the me in the past would not be saying these things. I’d probably go off, doing my own thing, being mad at God and ignoring His voice. I would be living it up, saying “forget it”! But this new me that is emerging is saying….YOU KNOW WHAT LORD! I AM NOT HAPPY AND I AM UNCOMFORTABLE BUT HAVE YOUR WAY! But whatever you do, do not remove your Spirit from me.…(in King David’s voice).

Nothing is worth losing God for. NOTHING! Not a man, not a career or your education, not family, not your body , NOTHING! Everything you need is in Jesus Christ. If you need anything…”Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.” Philippians 4:6-7

The humble prayer of my heart is simply…LORD, help us to give our thoughts, concerns and our feelings to you. Help us to pray about everything and to keep on praying until we are met with the blessing of incomprehensible peace. Let us be Proverbs 31 Ladies that find our worth in YOU…and not in deceptive and fleeting things.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

A One- Sided Conversation with YOU.

Love is easy. Breathe in, then breathe out. It’s as easy as breathing. One day you just had enough and you silence all the noise in YOUR OWN HEAD..because the noise on the outside doesn’t matter. It’s when you have those loud, obnoxious voices in your own head, embracing all the lies they said.

Tell yourself enough is enough. Tell yourself it’s time to take a stand. Tell yourself you don’t care who is offended, it’s time to clean the slate and surround yourself with new friends….new parents….new siblings…..NEW PEOPLE…

 

People who WILL : never put you down but lift you up. People that know how to laugh and have fun! People who are not self absorbed….there is a give and take going on between the both of you.

Re create your inner circle…your inner world is influenced by your inner circle. People change, so ensure that you clean out your closet every couple of years- if needed. But aim to find people that you do not want to live with out. People that are willing to apologize and right wrongs till the end. Cuz we all know, no one is perfect.

But…at the end of the day…you must be your own very best friend. Stop beating yourself up! Push hard, but it’s okay to say “You did your best.”

Let go of the past, don’t worry about the future and have fun today! Do everything you always wanted to do…do it without any restrictions or waiting for the perfect moment.

 

Stop waiting for that perfect moment, it might never come.

 

Make plans but also take risks! You are in charge of the decisions you make. Not even God controls you like a puppet. He gave you a will! A mind….a free mind…so use it! But also believe that He will steer you on the right path as you go along. Stay true to your convictions. No matter how angry or confused you are….be wise and don’t throw God away. Don’t say ” I don’t need God.” That’s not wise. Only a fool would say that.

But don’t wait. There is no perfect moment. Waiting….life will pass you by and you will look around and wonder why you wasted it.

You don’t need to be rich, or famous, or fit in nicely with societal norm. Just be yourself!

Love is easy. It’s as easy as air. When you love YOU ….love becomes easy. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t bleed. Love mends…and it heals. Love frees your mind and ignites your soul….with passion yes…but with peace. Peace in knowing that nothing…that people say or do will ever define who you are. And they sure don’t have any control over your future.

Your future is in your hands. What do you choose?

Love That Changes!

I just finished reading an article about a man that was born with a tumor in the middle of his forehead and a leg deformity. He spoke about his mother who, when she first saw him after he was born, considered him too ugly and wished he would die. Over time, she warmed up to him and was very honest about what she thought about him as he grew up. She made up in her mind to love him with honesty and in that he grew up understanding his place in the world.

He grew up, got married and had a baby girl in his 30th year. What amazed me about this story is that this man was able to live a full life, get married/embrace love and create a little family of his own. Instead of wallowing in self-pity over his appearance and disability, he instead was able to live a full life.

Those of us that are physically whole, we shamelessly call ourselves ugly, treat ourselves with such contempt and allow hateful comments of others dictate our self worth. I hear so many people who feel too inadequate to find love, too inadequate to make good and lasting friendships, too inadequate.

We must see our beauty, even in our lack. To see our worth, even when others refuse to respect it. We owe this to ourselves. Being too fat, too skinny, born with brown eyes instead of green, not having perfect teeth, perfect family members…these are silly superficial things! Lord help us!

My heart is bursting from this story and the tears that streak my face as I write this, serve as a testimony of how I had to overcome my own negative self-talk. Accept all of you. Embrace who you are with class and dignity! Like Tasha Cobb sang : “You are loved and it doesn’t matter who don’t like it!”

Whether your life lives up to the standards of others, doesn’t matter! Create a life that you want! A life that suits your personality and gives you a sense of fulfillment. Love yourself and cultivate good character and habits. Dress your body like you love it! Feed your body like it’s a holy temple! Because love springs forth when we have it within. A love that cannot be contained and overflows like a mighty rushing river. A love that engulfs and transforms. A secure, quiet love. A love that isn’t loud and self-seeking but a love that exudes! It becomes part of your DNA! Love changes things!

 

To read the story, click here.

God’s Love is Beautiful

I wrote this on June 18th 2016 and presented it to my church. The LORD put it in my heart to share this with everyone. It’s my prayer for whoever reads it.

Love births change.

With love, we flourish, we strive, we live, we finally start living.

The love God has for us is complete and perfect.

Our worth doesn’t come from our size, body type or the people we know.

Our worth isn’t defined by our occupation or our achievements or failures.

Our worth doesn’t come from a man or a woman but from God alone.

We don’t have to do anything to win his love, it’s already freely given.

God is truly in love with us, obsessed with us. He is always concerned about every tiny aspect of our lives.

Just like a loving parent that knows everything about their children, so does our heavenly father know us.

It is embracing the intimacy of his love that we learn that it’s alright to trust him. That his love goes beyond this life and beyond us and extended to every other person.

It is in this love that we change, find hope and peace. God made each of us unique with different talents and skills. Use it to give him glory and help one another. Shine bright in the uniqueness that God has created you, for in that lies your true beauty.

A beautiful person is one who fears the Lord.

I challenge everyone, including myself to find the beauty in God’s love. It is in his love that we find security and true peace. It is in his love that we find the power and grace to live for him and sharing the gospel through out words and actions.

The Body Is The Temple Of The HOLY SPIRIT.

This will be the first out of two posts about my weight. The reason  I am limiting the amount of posts is because it can easily become a whining session full of bitterness, confusion and defeat. However, I just wanted to share something I’ve learned

It is common knowledge that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. If you believe in Jesus Christ you basically have God living inside of you. As a christian our walk with God is not just spiritual but physical and mental too. We need God to help change our attitudes. The way we see ourselves and others. The way we see him needs to change as well. There is always constant growth, or should be. A part of this process comes from throwing down idols. We throw down idols through confession. Specific confession followed by removing said idol. For example: food and body image or your past of being bullied because of your weight. I had a wake up call. God is showing me that I am sensitive in this area. I keep lying to myself thinking I’m strong and nothing affects me but it does. Words hurt. Being mistreated for wanting good things in your life is confusing. So in subconscious ways I sell myself short for comfort. I deep down don’t want to be hated. I don’t like the sly comments or the harsh words. But at the same time selling myself short is affecting my relationship with God. I  am not treating myself correctly. I am not allowing God to be honored by how I treat myself. We are all worthy of love. Not because of what we have done or have to contribute but because we all are created in the image of God. When we lose our identity we become ineffective. We cannot do the will of God because we won’t have the confidence to seek him for it. We also open ourselves up to sin because of a lack of self disciple and boundaries. Its a form of self hate. A reflection of how we see ourselves. And how can we truly love our neighbor if we don’t love ourselves. We must first seek God with all we are and patiently wait as he molds us and removes all the baggage.

This is my current place. And at this point in Time I’m feeling the need to introspect. Not with my own eyes but through God’s eyes. He knows where to look and how to perceive. He knows exactly how to fix and enhance. He knows how to eraticate and heal.

No more dishonoring and abusing this temple of the Holy Spirit.